I want to update Santa for the modern era. Create a cool hipster Santa. Or maybe a hip-hop Santa. I don’t know precisely what I want the update to be, but it’s time for a 21st century reboot. One thing I am certain of is that Santa doesn’t have to be fat. Fuck that. I get comments from people sometimes about being a skinny Santa Claus. It’s usually guys making the comments, and they’re usually fatter than me wearing two fat-suits. I reckon the dudes making comments are just insecure and jealous of my fit not fat Santa body. I was wearing two fat-suits because people were skinny Santa shaming me, but I’m done with that now. Only one fat suit for this Santa. I’d rather my version of Santa be sponsored by the Heart & Stroke foundation than Coca-Cola.